BackPacking Granny’s guide to Squat Loos

BackPacking Granny's guide to Squat Loos
This is NOT BPG but could be!!!

Any seasoned traveller will tell you there are only 3 essentials for travelling in the Far East – money, passport and loo paper! If at all possible wear a skirt and a G-string, and shoes with reasonably thick soles. Also hold on for as long as possible and always plan your liquid intake! And do your squats before travelling!

Out in the countryside, whilst travelling, you will be faced with going into a sort of sentry box which smells like hell, try taking an eau de cologne stick with you or plug your nose with loo paper as you go in.  It may look a little strange but its worth it! Do NOT wear your sunglasses, these places are always dark and there will be nowhere that you want to put them! Once you have got inside, secure the door, again you may want to use the paper for this. You will find a hole in the ground and foot piece on either side, the floor may be awash hence the need of thick soles. There may also be a bucket filled with water and a ladle. Straddle the steps pull your skirt up slip the G-string to the side, bend your knees, steady yourself…. AND AIM………not too hard or it will splash. Anyone who has had a hip replacement or knee surgery, has to do it this way so trousers are out!

If you have a really good sense of balance, are an excellent skier, have a toned and honed body from hours in the gym, and want to live dangerously here is how to do the manoeuvre with shorts or trousers!

First thing is to roll up the bottom of your  trousers before you go into the hut as you do not want any of the material you are wearing to get wet. Get those trousers down but hold them off the floor…. DON’T WOBBLE, perish the thought you fall over.

After you have done the deed you ladle water into the hole and with your remaining piece of paper  you can unlock the door. Once out and clear get your antiseptic hand cleaner  and apply vigorously.

It really isn’t that awful but final tip it that it is worth wearing your contact lenses as loos are humid places and glasses will steam up, because you need 20/20 vision as these loos are a favourite place for snakes!!!!!!!!

I hope I have allayed your fears!BackPacking Granny's guide to Squat Loos