This article was written for Annabel & Grace, which is now part of Rest Less.
The “nest” that my husband (OH) and I have built over the past 30+ years of marriage should be an “empty” one but in our case it is not. We are not alone in this condition, of course. Millions of couples in our demographic group, and even younger ones, find themselves in a similar circumstance nowadays i.e. their 20 and 30 something children moving home. It is the generation of the Boomerang Kids.
At this time of year when parents are waving goodbye to their children as they drop them at university there is a glut of emptynesting articles in the media. How to cope when your youngest child finally leaves for university and you are left staring at your Other Half. When this happens parents have a new opportunity to reconnect with each other, improve the quality of their marriage and rekindle interests for which they previously might not have had time.
But if it all feels a little lonely and quiet do not despair as it may only be a brief interlude. You just may have to welcome the Boomerang Kids back to live in the family home at some point. Suddenly you may long for those quiet evenings when you can just have a TV dinner and a box set (of your choice).
I am experiencing the latter having done the emptynesting thing some 4 years ago when my youngest of 4 children left for university. He is currently living at home as he is starting up a business though he does disappear off to friends’ sofas now and then. He is in India right now so he is not a permanent resident.
Meanwhile eldest daughter has just moved home to save money and in order to move in with her boyfriend in 6 months time.
What does this all mean to OH and I? Well we are back on the ‘school run’ at 7.25am and pm to take her to or from the train. My washing machine is back in full time employment and of course office clothes require ironing – there are no lounging around days in ‘trackie bums’ as OH and I frequently have.
My fridge is heaving with vegetarian food and my OH is often found rummaging through it in the hopes of finding a lamb chop or two. My wardrobe has been ransacked and my make-up drawer is regularly visited as clearly this is one of my daughter’s cost cutting plans……do not buy any make-up when you can use your mother’s.
My own eldest daughter was thrilled to see that I had embraced the Trinny London look and, as she congratulated me on being such a modern Mum, I saw her pop a couple of the TL pots in her rucksack. Actually wasn’t that my rucksack disappearing on to the train this morning?
Haven’t times changed? I would never have raided my own mother’s make-up 35 years ago. This is mainly because when I was 20 something my mother was ‘powdering her nose’, literally, with Helena Rubenstein or for special occasions, Elizabeth Arden. I remember her make-up shelf was always covered in a thin film of face powder.
If you think it is just daughters that are of the ‘borrowing’ kind then you need only spend 10 minutes in our house at getting up time as you will undoubtedly hear the cry from my OH, “where are all my socks?”
One of our cars has had to be insured so that Youngest Son has ‘wheels’. However it would help if he could plan his car usage time so that I would know in advance that he needs the car. I then won’t spend time looking for the keys thinking I have the first signs of Alzheimer’s only to be told my OH that he saw my car rear lights disappearing out of our driveway.
Of course there are lots of plus points of having your Boomerang Kids move back home. OH has someone to watch endless sport on TV with. Eldest daughter gives me advice on how to keep my fashion look modern. Who needs Marie Kondo when you have a daughter telling you that you look hideous in ‘block colours’ when I really thought that I looked co-ordinated.
My daughter shares the cooking with me that is she What’s Apps me a recipe from the train suggesting we have it for supper. And then sends me a text from the return train when it is time to ‘pop the pasta on’. We have a What’s App group for the ‘Henley Roomies’ in order to communicate timings, shopping needs etc. It is like going back to my 20s and flat-sharing.
This morning my eldest daughter borrowed my drink thermos to transport her smoothie for lunch. However she found my kitchen cupboard distinctly lacking in some necessary ingredients like flaxseeds so they have now been added to my shopping list. She did find a pot of ‘Sex Dust’ and I am not sure she believed me when I said I had been sent it to review for A&G. Anyway she sprinkled some liberally in her smoothie as it said, ‘it will ignite your creative energy, in and out of the bedroom.’ Watch out in her office today.
I also don’t have to look far when I want a film friend to go and see a ‘girlie film’. We are off to see ‘Judy’ together this week. However trying to co-ordinate the watching of a box set is quite tricky as she does stay with her boyfriend in London on some nights. I then get a terse text reminding us not to continue watching it without her. We recently started watching World on Fire on BBC however she had not watched the first episode so watching the second episode involved many TV pauses as she caught up with the plot.
But we would not have it any other way. Our children keep us young and in touch. They are the best of company and luckily they love our friends. They are very happy to join in when we have friends for supper and are highly entertaining if sometimes exhausting with their boundless energy.
We don’t have to make sure they have done their homework and they are no longer grumpy in the morning. They are grateful for all that we give them and we are even more grateful for the joy they give us. It is a new era as we welcome our Boomerang kids home again.