This article was written for Annabel & Grace, which is now part of Rest Less.
I had grave misgivings as I set off for the poshest mall in Kuala Lumpur; I have tried before to buy Gulliver sized clothes in a Lilliputian country and it is a miserable experience. KL is shopper’s heaven if you are a size 6, but anything larger and you can easily be made to feel like one of Cindarella’s ugly sisters! I tried every shop in the vast mall in Central KL, Zara, Gap, Valentino, Prada, Lady Girl, Boy Girl (transvestite, I presume!) Monsoon, the list goes on and on; every fashion shop in the world seemed to be there but nothing in a healthy size 14! The temperature was 32 outside but all the shops were only selling winter clothes; cardigans, boots, little jackets with fur & studs, I just couldn’t believe it, do the shops in KL turn up the air con in December just so that the natives can wear furry boots and the Santas in the Mall don’t melt?
I continued on with my search, anything that might possibly have fitted me was either too hot, too wintry or very embroidered and certainly not suitable for hacking my way through the jungle in. After a delicious iced coffee, I made one last attempt in the golf shop thinking I might find an A-line golf skirt (eurchh, but it would do). Foiled again, the only garment they could produce wouldn’t even fit a Barbie Doll.
Feeling hot and disgruntled even though the park between my hotel and the mall is absolutely lovely, I realised how lucky I am to be able to travel all over the world. Someone waved to me from the top of the mound so I waved back merrily and thought how nice and friendly. Anyway I finally had an Idea, I could cut off the bottoms of my very expensive designer jeans with my nail scissors and thus solve the problem; as I got back to my room I gave my rucksack one last cursory glance and reached for my nail scissors (I had my contact lenses in by then….) and guess what, yes, there they were, my old, black cut-offs nestling in the lining of the rucksack! Oh dear, I am so short sighted I must have missed them first time, but joy of joys all I need now is an eye test! Come to think of it the man I waved to in the park on top of the mound, might well have been a statue!
So, I am now as ready and prepared as I ever will be for my trip to Burma, I may not be in contact for a while as there is not much internet in Burma!
CW has just received the following email from BPG, it will give you a flavour of her next hilarious post…
“Very strange to be so out of touch….Burma was absolutely fantastic and I have lots to tell but need to make sense of my notes first! I have sailed for 8 hours down the Irrawaddy in a boat, travelled 3rd class on a train, no glass in the windows and I am still bruised from branches hitting me – quite an experience! I have managed not to go to the loo for 6 hours, ridden on horse and carts, buses, prefer the horse and carts as they don’t overheat!”