So I am currently away with younger son. I went to New York with the eldest – it looks as though we won’t be able to squeeze in a family holiday due to commitments on all sides so I asked him where he wanted to go. The answer? Disneyland!!! Never thought I’d end up here. I thought our Mickey days were well behind us.
However you may well know that I don’t see a great deal of my younger son. So if there’s any chance to see more of him – I grab with both hands! We are actually having a lovely time and the weather is gorgeous. The queues are tedious but to be expected and we have laughed a lot.
Coming back has been bittersweet for me. The last time we were here was 10 years ago – shortly after the very sudden death of my mother. Seeing as she had died 8 years after my father I was going through a very sad time.
I remember talking to my husband about being an orphan and how strange it felt. I described it as someone taking a piece of my jigsaw puzzle away and that I felt incomplete. He said we are your family, our little unit of 4 and always will be. Except we aren’t now we’re divored. We are no longer a family. I still have my boys but we are rarely all together.
I try and stay positive. Especially now in a place of fantasy and fairytales where you can wish upon a star and every dream that you dare to dream really can come true! I even heard myself singing along with “one day my prince will come” even though I don’t believe it anymore.
I have come along way in 5 years but they have been very very hard and only a tiny few have been witness to my struggles, sometimes deep and dark. My faith has been shattered and my self confidence wiped away. Everyone is far more aware of mental health issues these days and I am certainly aware you should never judge anyone – you don’t know the story of their life!
Anyway I try and remain positive. I have my health and my beautiful children that I adore. Life may not be good but it’s OK.