Girlfriends: do they make better friends than husbands?

First off I would like to say do we have to choose? However friendship seems to have been in the news a lot lately. There have been some big name girlfriends, who have publicly fallen out and when two women fall out it can get very nasty. Having said that a divorce is often not pretty.

Champneys health spa recently conducted a poll and more than half of the women they asked preferred their best friend to their husband. Yes really and not just some of the time, all of the time.

Personally I love the fact that you can have both, a husband and a girlfriend who are your best friends. In respect of girlfriends you can possibly have many of them at the same time whereas husbands it is advisable to have just one at a time!

Is there a perfect person out there that can make you completely happy all of the time? Well no because it is your husband or partner that you live with which will be a more intense relationship and is thus going to suffer more strain than a girlfriend who you see occasionally, talk to constantly but do not live with. It is not your best girlfriend that you will row with over who is pulling their weight the most around the house. You are not going to have to nag a girlfriend to mend the gutter they have been promising to do for ages.

I have many girlfriends and a handful of them are my closest friends but they are all different. Some have known me for so long they know more about me pre-marriage than my husband does. Some I share everything with but others I just enjoy their company, respect their views, and find them interesting. Some I love because our husbands get on so we make a great foursome. Others I love because our children are the best of friends so we have experienced the parenting learning curve together.

So what is a true best girlfriend?

It is not being competitive but it is wanting the best for each other. Don’t be too flattering but also don’t point out all the flaws.

I think you can talk to a really best girlfriend about absolutely everything however embarrassing it may be. One of my girlfriends had to pick up something for me from the chemist which was very personal but she did it without question.

You still speak to them on the phone and can talk about nothing in particular, i.e. you just call for a chat.

They know everything about your life, all the details even the smallest and most insignificant. You don’t need to tell them your children are all perfect – you can bemoan your kids’ faults and failings knowing that it was probably your own fault that they are like this. Of course your girlfriend will not tell you that but will just listen and say just the right thing, making you feel a lot better.

Naturally a true best girlfriend will tell you when you are out of order……but quietly. She won’t tell you when you are wearing something that doesn’t suit you but will tell you when you look great, a colour or style really suits you.

Your memories together are the ones that make you howl with laughter without recounting the whole tale but just mentioning two words. I am going away with one of my best girlfriends for one night; away from husbands, kids and dogs just so that we can have 24 hours of real chat and laughter.

Personally I don’t agree with those that think your best girlfriend has a better sense of humour than your husband as my husband has a terrific sense of humour and it is one of his most attractive features. Not only does he still make me laugh but we also laugh out loud together.

I think husbands have less chat than your girlfriend but then that can also be due to the fact they see you a lot more often. I think the sign of a really good friend is one that you feel comfortable with when you are both silent.

Finally they will know, without being told, that all personal information and conversations are private and never to be repeated.

Who is my best friend? The one I went to boarding school with and shared a flat with, the one that saw me through my emotional 20’s, the one that shared all the parenting hurdles with me, the one that is now living close by and so is always there for me? Or is it my husband who knows me so well and still loves me, warts and all. This man that I have had children with and who shares in trying to take care of them and make them better people. My husband would put me first above all else, even his own self so I think he makes a pretty good mate.

All I know is I am lucky to have all of the above and I love each and every one of them so don’t make me choose as all ‘comparisons are odorous’ as the Shakespearean fool, Dogberry, said in Much Ado about Nothing!

And if you want unconditional, devoted love then a dog is the answer. They never disagree or argue with you!

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