Granny, I need to do a poo

Screen Shot 2015-07-21 at 11.32.06“Granny, I need to do a poo” said a little voice in the back of the car.

Just the words you want to hear as you have just left a service station on the M5. Only another twenty eight miles before the next Services! Can you distract a three year old for twenty eight miles?  Difficult. But not impossible. Do they have dinosaurs in the Quantocks? Of course they do. It’s just that we didn’t manage to see any… we weren’t looking hard enough. Hurrah. Distraction worked. We reached the service station without accident.

Pooing is something my grandson takes very seriously and, like his father, he won’t be hurried. I don’t know if any other grannies have tried to balance a small child on the rather large seat in a service station, but it is not the most comfortable position. Indeed not a position I would advertise. You don’t want to actually kneel for obvious reasons – come to think of it you don’t even want to put your handbag down. Be that as it may, needs must. So I found myself crouching for quite a considerable time whilst my darling grandson balanced himself with his arms locked around my neck. After what seemed like an inordinately long time he looked at me with his big blue eyes and said “Granny isn’t this fun!”

kids on beachI don’t know if any of you have ever done The Cornish family holiday? At huge expense, you book a cottage sometime in January imagining that in July it will be a week of frolicking children, sun hats, warm water rock pools, and family harmony. Poor misguided fools we are.

I had dreamed of Cornish ice cream, fresh catch of the day, and lots and lots of wine. No, no, no – nothing could be further from the truth. The only thing you can rely on is the English weather i.e. it is never what you hope it will be. In our case, we had one day of sun and six long days of wind, cloud, rain and drizzle.

I know everyone else tells me they have had the most wonderful weeks in Cornwall. Not a drop of rain etc. Are they going to the same place? The journey took us 8 hours (that was with stops) and the sea was so cold my grandson turned blue ….. so we bought a wetsuit which is the only thing any sane person can wear in that treacherous cold Atlantic.

three-kids-beach-swimHowever we did have a lovely and very special holiday. My daughter in law and her mum found their family roots. As I have said before, my daughter in law is a Kiwi and this holiday was very special as her Mum had come over to visit. The New Zealand family had bravely left Cornwall some time round the 1860’s not knowing what their fortune would be. The one thing we knew was the name of the mine that the family had owned somewhere near Redruth. All of this was made even more romantic as Poldark was vividly colouring the two grannies imaginations – six pack, bare flesh and all! Drizzle time became driving time, as we searched for signs of their family name.

It was very exciting. We found four places bearing the family name or which had connections to the mine, including the oldest pub in Cornwall. All this I might add with a baby that is still breast feeding and a very energetic three year old. We took the 3 year old on the beach each morning rain or shine, we were meticulous on feeding times for the 7 month old – she has a Machiavellian scream if food is late. The two grannies imbibed on lots of wine and the parents … well they didn’t really have a holiday poor things. They were so busy giving the oldies and the young a wonderful time. Secretly, I think what they would really like is a weekend in bed; when I have a moment spare, I shall offer them babysitting services!

I’m off to Cuba next. No kids, just OG and she is lots of fun!