This article was written for Annabel & Grace, which is now part of Rest Less.
I have been married for 33 years to my Other Half (OH), and I count myself lucky to have been very happy. Whilst Grace has been writing about the joys of life as a single woman after 30 years of marriage, this has made me think about my own marriage. It was particularly relevant these last three weeks as I have fractured my wrist, which meant I could not drive, cut up my food, carry anything heavier than a piece of fruit, blow-dry my hair – the list is endless. In all of this, my husband has been my right hand, apart from blow-drying my hair, and has done it all with humour and patience.
Marriage suits me. I would hate to be on my own, and though I have four wonderful children with equally lovely partners, my husband is my soulmate. Nothing is perfect; I am not a perfect wife, and we are not perfect parents, but it is a fun path that we are travelling along, and I do not regret a minute of it.
I am not going to write about what makes a marriage work, as I am sure it is different for everyone but the two things that make our marriage work are laughter which we do by the bucketload and chatting about everything.
I once read a poignant article by Hunter Davies, whose wife, the novelist Margaret Forster, died after 55 years of marriage. He really missed the general chit-chat, which I think he called ‘chackling’. You come home from shopping, and the conversation is about who you bumped into, the local roadworks that are fouling up the roads, the increase in the cost of a cappuccino from our favourite barista, nothing earth-shattering in importance but just chackle.
Watching television together and chackling about it, laughing at the funny moments and sharing your worries about some of the news you may have just heard. Right now debating about who will be our next Prime Minister. Those spur-of-the-moment chats that mean nothing to anyone else but make our world spin.
Apart from that, it is the memories you share, the funny stories that your other half tells so brilliantly that you are still laughing at having heard them numerous times (sometimes I might have to remind my Other Half (OH) of the correct ending.) I often think of the song; I Remember it Well from the musical Gigi sung so beautifully by Hermione Gingold and Maurice Chevalier.
We met at nine
We met at eight
I was on time
No, you were late
Ah yes, I remember it well.
We dined with friends
We dined alone.
A tenor sang
A baritone.
I remember it well.
That dazzling April moon!
There was none that night.
And the month was June
That’s right, that’s right.
It warms my heart
To know that you
Remember still
The way you do
Ah yes, I remember it well.
How often I’ve thought of that Friday–
Monday–
Night, when we had our last rendezvous
And somehow, I foolishly wondered if you might
By some chance, be thinkin’ of it too
That carriage ride
You walked me home
You lost a glove
I lost a comb
Ah yes, I remember it well.
That brilliant sky!
We had some rain
Those Russian songs
From sunny Spain
Ah yes, I remember it well.
You wore a gown of gold
I was all in blue
Am I getting old?
Oh no, not you!
How strong you were
How young and gay
A prince of love
In every way
Ah yes, I remember it well.
I feel like my OH, and I are just starting all the fun of a new stage in life. That’s how I choose to think about it. I don’t look back with any regrets as I can’t change the sad or bad memories I just look forward with excited anticipation.
Endless boringly obvious studies have shown how the 60-plus generation feels happier and less depressed than the youthful and the middle-aged. We are not as competitive anymore. We are more at peace with ourselves.
Of course, every marriage has its ups and downs, but that’s what makes it fun; the fact that you can make it through the downs means the ups are more enjoyable. If you can enjoy or make all the everyday things enjoyable, then as a partnership, you are a winner.
And never stop laughing or talking, and that includes the chackling!
