The quicker time flies, the longer it takes

Later this year I will be si….si…..six….sixty six (apologies, it’s still extremely hard for me to write out loud). Of course I don’t feel old – I just look old. Despite knowing this, when I look in the mirror, I don’t see the wrinkles or jowls – must be some sort of psychological defence mechanism which causes my vision to auto soft focus every time I apply my make up! Lots of things have speeded up as I have got older (sadly not wiser) for example: time. Days, weeks and months literally fly by. Like, where did 2017 go?  I can hardly believe it will soon be spring again, my absolute favourite time of year. Then there’s sex: won’t elaborate on that one. Mustn’t forget my jowls: they are dropping at a spectacular pace. But there is definitely one thing that doesn’t flash by – the quicker time flies, the longer it takes to make myself presentable.

time flies / CountryWives online magazine for women

Fact: I look dreadful when I wake up. My hair is sticking up all over the place, my wrinkles deeper and more prolific than the day before. My complexion is pasty. My bosoms have gravitated ever nearer my waist. I must look really sexy as I blindly grope the bedside table for my pebble specs and the hot cup of tea that my Husband so kindly brings me each morning!

Then it begins. Staggering to the bathroom, I start the process. Luckily I have had my eyebrows tattooed which saves pencilling them in like I used to. Really recommend having this (more or less) painless procedure – see our Beauty Editor Bumble’s post on who, how, why here.  So, I get flossing and cleaning my teeth. Taming that hair I mentioned earlier. Putting in my contact lenses so I can ditch the spex. Slapping on serum and SPF moisturiser. Then it’s time to squeeze into a neck-to-knee bodyshaper – by now I am out of breath and gasping for a coffee. If it carries on at this rate, I’ll have go back to bed for a nap by the time I am ready for my Oatly barista milk latte.

But that’s not the end of it – there are still so many other maintenance procedures to carry out aren’t there. Every now and then I have to bleach my moustache, sand my heels, pluck stray eyebrows, have a wax here and there – to say nothing of manicures and pedicures and a tiny bit of Botox.

Rather fortuitously I have, over my many years, worked out how to apply my make up in the incredibly quick time of 4 minutes. See my video below if you also need to speed this essential process up. I say ‘essential’ because even though it can be tempting not to put any make up on – especially if a day of housework / washing / ironing beckons, I do my routine. You never know who you are going to bump into on your supermarket trip or dog walk! Plus I just feel better the entire day if I spend those four little minutes making my face look a bit fresher.